... I'll get a fateful phone call from my dean.
In the meantime, there's nothing more I can do. My nurturing department has written a long report justifying their unanimous support for my case. Perhaps the faculty council will agree. Or, perhaps they'll decide that the outside reviewers weren't quite enthusiastic enough, or that the angry student evaluations should outweigh the grateful student evaluations, or that the gadfly memos my department chair loved (they didn't go to him!) don't really count as "service." By February 16th, I'll know.
But, for now, I'm just trying to get on with my life.
My three big projects:
Actually becoming the scholar that my department and I are currently pretending I am. I know that the work won't become any easier. I am hoping that my fear of it will lessen. And that my own disappointment at ending up at a school like Granolan will be somewhat resolved after I achieve the early security (I'm only 33! It'll almost make up for the 7 years in grad school!) I'd hoped for.
Getting pregnant. Beaker and I managed to get going on this one a year ago. And if that first IVF cycle had worked, I would have been able to delay the tenure decision (of course, there would have been other consequences, too). But it didn't work, and neither did the second, and now we'll have to decide whether to try again, or to try donor sperm.
I've spent the five months since the second cycle preparing my tenure documents and trying not to think about breeding. My teaching next semester is so incompatible with our clinic's schedule that it'll be another four months before we can re-engage. (Well, maybe we could manage home inseminations. But I'm so not there yet.)
Saving my family. Ah, my crazy mother (bipolar, maybe anorexic, currently hospitalized) and my ancient grandmother (about to get her first walker). They live in an expensive suburb of a big city.
I am their only hope (well, aside from my pothead taxi driver uncle and his brand-new green-card-seeking wife). They know Beaker and I live in a giant house in a small town where life is cheaper and simpler. The tenure wait has let me avoid the entire situation for years.