6dp3dt

I am starting in on my one-week-post-transfer migraine (which has occurred in all my cycles, regardless of progesterone dose, regardless of outcome) and I am going mad.

THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO. I can fanatically try to plan out how the next cycle will go (not too early to worry at all, since scheduling will be a bitch; to do late May it may be necessary to have the co-culture biopsy during my first natural cycle following). I can think about how much easier it will be to not be pregnant while teaching. I can talk with friends who are done, quite done, with the whole IVF thing, and who remember their cycles just as those horrible times that ended in tears.

But nothing will make me stop wondering, stop overinterpreting every twinge and burp.

I have -- mostly -- stopped talking in my head to the embryos. (I don't think I did at all, last time. Four was too much of a crowd.) I no longer believe that they're really there.

My most salient remaining symptom -- still stronger than the headache, but probably not for long -- is the achiness on either side of the butt where the giant needle goes in every night.

What brings on the most crazy: going to the boards. I can't stop, though (for one thing, I had to look up the Cornell shutdown dates this spring and summer). Look! There are two 37-year-olds who put back 4, with high cell counts, and who failed! Twice each! At Cornell! There's someone who changed protocols and her response got even worse! There's someone in tears because only 5! 5 of her eggs fertilized! There's a 41-year-old with lots more follicles than me! There's someone whose last cycle was cancelled, who has lots more follicles than me!

Tomorrow is the first luteal bloodwork. That's where they don't tell you anything, and just keep the data for, ahem, "future cycles." Last time the local lab was too slow with results, so Cornell called me up and told me to double my PIO dose. Let's just say that I'm going to try a different local lab this time.

P.S. Miss T. developed a splendid cold over the weekend; high fever, raspy cough, three days of severe grogginess. She's on the mend now, and should be able to go back to Box-O-Tots tomorrow. I haven't caught it yet -- but of course any feelings of disorientation could be ascribed to early stages of that.

Comments

[Jody]

I don't know what to say. I really, really, really hope it works. Then you can add THAT story to the boards.

[mpatters]

I haven't checked in on your blog in a long time and was surprised and pleased that you were starting again. Good luck with it. I hope it works the first time out. When I finally had a successful cycle there wasn't a single sign that differed from all the cycles that failed. Well, there was one spot of blood one day. It's just time that tells us. But again, I hope this is it for you, and that you get to struggle with teaching while pregnant....