I. Hey! You with the baggy plaid jumper, orange t-shirt, and purple stockings? Your daughter might have deserved that when she was 14, but she really doesn't today. Academic Honors Assembly, ma'am, that's what this is. She's been a good girl here, and you could have done better.
II. The name tag does not go over the nipple.
III. Parents asking about their child can reasonably expect unlimited amounts of praise. Go on, keep asking, and we'll keep talking. Grandparents? At least five minutes each, with amplification services provided as necessary. Aunts and uncles? At most two minutes -- and please do try to listen while we effuse to the parents and/or grandparents.
II. The name tag does not go over the nipple.
III. Parents asking about their child can reasonably expect unlimited amounts of praise. Go on, keep asking, and we'll keep talking. Grandparents? At least five minutes each, with amplification services provided as necessary. Aunts and uncles? At most two minutes -- and please do try to listen while we effuse to the parents and/or grandparents.
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