Barely promoted: In about a month...

Sunday, January 18, 2004

In about a month...

... I'll get a fateful phone call from my dean.

In the meantime, there's nothing more I can do. My nurturing department has written a long report justifying their unanimous support for my case. Perhaps the faculty council will agree. Or, perhaps they'll decide that the outside reviewers weren't quite enthusiastic enough, or that the angry student evaluations should outweigh the grateful student evaluations, or that the gadfly memos my department chair loved (they didn't go to him!) don't really count as "service." By February 16th, I'll know.

But, for now, I'm just trying to get on with my life.

My three big projects:

Actually becoming the scholar that my department and I are currently pretending I am. I know that the work won't become any easier. I am hoping that my fear of it will lessen. And that my own disappointment at ending up at a school like Granolan will be somewhat resolved after I achieve the early security (I'm only 33! It'll almost make up for the 7 years in grad school!) I'd hoped for.

Getting pregnant. Beaker and I managed to get going on this one a year ago. And if that first IVF cycle had worked, I would have been able to delay the tenure decision (of course, there would have been other consequences, too). But it didn't work, and neither did the second, and now we'll have to decide whether to try again, or to try donor sperm.

I've spent the five months since the second cycle preparing my tenure documents and trying not to think about breeding. My teaching next semester is so incompatible with our clinic's schedule that it'll be another four months before we can re-engage. (Well, maybe we could manage home inseminations. But I'm so not there yet.)

Saving my family. Ah, my crazy mother (bipolar, maybe anorexic, currently hospitalized) and my ancient grandmother (about to get her first walker). They live in an expensive suburb of a big city.

I am their only hope (well, aside from my pothead taxi driver uncle and his brand-new green-card-seeking wife). They know Beaker and I live in a giant house in a small town where life is cheaper and simpler. The tenure wait has let me avoid the entire situation for years.

Posted at 11:41 PM in Landscape | Permalink

Comments

Hi,found your blog through "This Woman's Work". I loved reading it. I hope that your Dean calls you with good news. I will think some good thoughts for you.

I have a few comments.

"Actually becoming the scholar that my department and I are currently pretending I am."

I laughed so hard when I read this because I have the same problem except I work at "SmallTownStateCollegeinMidwest". I got tenure when I was 28 so there must have been something scholarly about me. I doubt it. I think they were trying to work some sort of gender equity agreement the union made them sign. I now struggle with keeping up with my scholar status while advising 50 students, teaching four classes, and running a lab. I never wanted to teach at Impressive. I knew I'd be better suited to a small place cause I enjoy my autonomy.

"Saving my family"
For years I thought I could have my career and help out my dad and sister with my maniac depressive bipolar mom and addict brother who all live in MarthaStewartville. I tried but it wore me down emotionally and caused me to have a huge amount of frequent flyer miles. I abdicated to my little sister about five years ago. She runs the show cause I couldn't anymore and my dad wouldn't. I'm sorry you don't have someone to share this with. It must be tough. The decisions are difficult.

"Getting Pregnant"
Go for the fall if you can. Having a baby at the end of the spring term can really work for you. Good luck with all of it. My sister is struggling with many of the same problems you are in this catagory and it's heartbreaking. I can't even fathom the pain and disappointment that you have been through.

Posted by: mo | Monday, January 26, 2004 at 08:57 PM

Oh _wow_. I am so tickled that someone responded to all three themes! Not to mention took time out of a schedule like that! Thank you!

One small response: I first warned my department chair that I might be taking some surprise leave, let's see, 18 months ago (and boy am I glad he's never asked about it again). While I applaud the many women at Granolan, and throughout academia, who have had babies in June, I gotta say that, at this point, the academic timing of the end point of the process is pretty low on my list of concerns. We have a crappy maternity leave policy, but I'm just gonna take the pay cut and skip out for at least a semester, if I get the chance...

Posted by: Emma Jane | Monday, January 26, 2004 at 10:48 PM