One of the most miserable decisions I've ever made was choosing a graduate program. I was deeply, perhaps disgustingly, fortunate in many ways: I had multiple outside fellowships to choose from and had been accepted at four of the top five programs in my field.
The fellowship decision was easy: one of the fellowships was good at all schools I was considering, could be extended as long as I was in good academic standing, and included the possibility of lucrative (by grad student standards, at least) and prestigious summer employment. Duh!
But, the schools. I wasn't sure what I wanted to specialize in, and the schools had different areas of strength. They were in radically different geographic settings. And they had very different program structures: how much classwork before quals, whether there were steps between quals and dissertation, what sorts of teaching training and opportunities (or requirements) they offered.
Then I visited, and discovered that students were basically unhappy at all of them. And, very articulate about the reasons for their unhappiness. I came home well-schooled in the major defects of all four programs. It seemed like it might be bad to go to any of them.
Impressive University, my alma mater, had sent ambiguous signals about whether they really thought it was a good idea for me to stay, even though they'd accepted me. But, really, they were the standard by which I was judging the others. I eliminated two schools on mostly geographic grounds—one too close to Impressive, one way too far from home—and was left with Impressive and Antediluvian.
I finally chose Antediluvian: I thought changing schools would be a good idea, and Antediluvian's program was supposed to be much more supportive in many ways. Good courses that gave all their students a broad base in the field, very good teaching apprenticeships, and a strong community among the students. But Impressive made it clear before I left that, if Antediluvian didn't work out, I could come back.
So of course it didn't work out. The courses were in important but fusty areas: it's good I learned that material, and I don't know if anything else could have forced me to, but I didn't enjoy it, and I didn't encounter anything I wanted to pursue as a dissertation. Nor did I like the city, the neighborhood, the dorm I lived in, or the vast majority of my fellow students.
But, I knew I had the escape option. And I think I was continually comparing my experience with what it might have been at Impressive, rather than trying to make the best of where I actually was.
And, of course, I ended up going back to Impressive. I don't think Schwartz would be surprised by any aspect of this story—and I wouldn't be surprised by his analyses of it. But it helps with the self-forgiveness to have someone else so clearly articulate the aspects of what made that a painful decision to make, and a difficult one to get right.
There are many ways in which students at Granolan are better adjusted than students at Impressive. (For example, they haven't been perfect their entire lives, and thus are much more ready to learn from criticism.) They don't generally have the same plethora of graduate study options that I had. But it's a lot easier to give them constructive advice on choosing between the options they do have, and I think it's easier for them to listen to both that advice and their own hearts as they're making a decision.
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