Fast forward

[Guaranteed typed with sleeping baby strapped to chest!]

Remember how I was so worried over whether we'd be able to find day-care for Tabby come January? Turns out there's been a "cancellation," so the good center has an opening in December.

Good news, right? There's space! There's space in January and February! But I'm spazzing about the December thing.

I need to get work done. We have sadly not been able to actually get Beaker to take Miss T for scheduled intervals; he's too stressed about work to consciously say, "I'm not going to touch my computer for two hours." Look, we've been trying for a while now, since she was a month old, and it just has not happened.

Any time I hand him the baby for a diaper change, he's game—and those often stretch to 20 minute interludes of play. He's spending a lot of time with the baby—remember that he works at home. I love the breaks, but, although the dishes and laundry and so forth can get done in little bits like that, real work can't, really. (Please don't get all Boice on my ass! I also use those breaks to, um, pee and eat and stuff.)

Weekends are actually worse; Beaker's working on the house, so usually buried in protective gear, hidden behind power tools, and covered in dust and grime that he's worried could be toxic. I'm pretty much on my own all day. (Not that working on the house is an intrinsically bad thing; both the toilet and the shower in the downstairs bathroom are functional now!)

In any case. There's a book I'm working on, with grumpy co-authors. I will need to prep next semester's teaching. And I'm starting to feel a bit restless: the brain wants to be doing something, too.

Yet I don't want to be someone who hands her baby off to others at the first possible opportunity. (Yes, everyone we know sends their babies this center, but most start later. Our friends with real jobs in real cities have sent their babies off even younger, but that tends not to happen around here.) I'm disappointed that sharing care at home is not working. I'm worried that she's stopped taking bottles. (Oh, and I might have thrush.)

I am of course glad to not be scrambling for alternate arrangements, and I'm glad that we're not going to have to plan a caregiver switch early on, as we would have had to do if there had really been no space at the center until March.

I think I'm going to call the center back today and sign up for 20 hours a week, starting December 12. She'll be 14 weeks then. View those first two weeks as pure transition; go in and nurse, if I have to, or if I want to. Take a break for Christmas and New Year's, then 20 hours a week through January, until classes start in earnest in February; then full time.

Yestrday I sat outside with Miss T asleep on my chest, trying not to spill a decaf mocha on her. It was warm but blustery, and the clouds rushed by above me so fast that I suddenly felt as if I were inside Koyaanisqatsi. Beautiful clear white clouds, though. Nothing dark on the horizon.

Comments

[leslie]

starting with 20 hours sounds good - you'll get some time but be able to ease into it. It's so hard to balance motherhood and career and my experience is that there are times when either role (and sometimes both!) get short shrift. I'm glad the daycare you wanted has a spot!

[Karen F.]

I agree. Starting off with 20 hours sounds like a good plan. That's what I did when I first started back to work, and then I slowly transitioned us up to full time. Of course I was also massively worried about bringing my daughter to "complete strangers", but it all worked out very well, and I learned a lot of "mothering" from my daughter's caregivers over the years.

[liz]

Muffin Man started full-time at 10 weeks, so hard for me! I cried. He was fine. Loved it, in fact.

It's much harder on you than on her.

Oh, and I see you're reading Reginald Hill. I love him.

[Karen]

Sigh. An the academy loses another woman to a husband who won't care for his own child.

[Leslie]

As I'm raising my own child (just a couple days younger than yours), I've learned to do whatever works in order to get my work (dissertation and grading) done and stay sane. Do what works for you and Tabby and don't worry about what's "normal" in your area. And here's hoping you don't have thrush. That stuff made nursing more painful than childbirth. . . Ouch!

[Ancarett]

Eldest started at about fourteen weeks -- twenty four blessed hours a week of care since we were both working full-time but on different schedules. It's a pity that Beaker's weekends are so consumed with the renovations -- I'm sure everyone'll be happy when he's done with that and can focus on other things.

[Cecily]

One the happiest and most well-adjusted kids I know is the daughter of a mom that works full time AND is currently getting her master's. She went into fulltime daycare at SIX WEEKS.

I know it's not ideal, but this child is so happy and healthy and joyful--and perfectly bonded with her parents--that I think Tabby will be just fine at part-time at 20 weeks.

Good luck to you!

[Cecily]

I meant part time at 14 weeks. Sorry.

[Alley_uk]

ok, so it's taken me 4 days to get through all the archives. All I can say is wow! I soooo love a happy ending :-)

Congratulations to all of you.

A

[MFA Mama]

Ooooo! Me! I have too many degrees! Just found your site through The Naked Ovary and have been enjoying it hugely. I have a little boy Tabby's age, and am looking ahead to the Spring semester wistfully and with great trepidation.

[Joanna]

Congratulations on your lovely baby!
I was able to have six weeks of paid leave and a little extra time for winter break before I had to start leaving my daughter at the child care center (an excellent place) full time, and go back to teaching. It wouldn't have been my first choice if I'd had other options, but I didn't (single parent by choice). I turned out to be just fine for her and for me. She was well cared for by people who were not sleep deprived, and I got to pee, eat, work, and even rest! I was able to walk over and nurse her during the day. Eleven years later she's a great well adjusted happy kid. All will be well!

[Mommyprof]

Leaving Offspring at daycare was one the the hardest things I have ever had to do , even though I could drive the whole two miles from my office and nurse once a day. It got easier with time and I actually learned a lot about childcare from her teachers.

[boxing octopus]

my baby's been at an in-home daycare since he was 5 weeks old. the woman is basically a professional grandma and he's the only baby, so it's working out beautifully, but i can totally empathize with your situation. and it's been hard for me to keep up with my workload, too. i don't know how many more times i'll need to say, "i don't get much work done during the day, can you please take the baby so that i can grade this stack of papers before falling asleep on my feet? thanks."

[YelloCello]

I can't offer any insights on daycare just yet. (Although I'm really interested to hear your thoughts on it and on sharing home childcare with a partner, too.) Just wanted to say that I LOVED the sentence "Don't get all Boice on my ass!" Indeed I won't. But I might have to pirate the phrase for my own use now and again. :-)