Babies R Us is undermining breastfeeding!

First of all, yes, I do need to be posting here more. So much happiness, and so much stress, and it's all streaming by supersonically. I reread my own entries from a little over a year ago—my mother's death, the IVF cycle, yada yada yada—and there was so much I'd forgotten. And I want to remember how Tabby is growing and thriving. And to understand why visiting Nanna at Thanksgiving left so little of an emotional impression. And to let myself freak out someplace, 'cause I can't freak out in real life right now, about the day care thing—THE DAY CARE THING OH MY GOD SHE IS STARTING TOMORROW AND I AM BOILING BOTTLES SHE'LL REFUSE TO DRINK FROM AND AND AND—or about Beaker's work and health, or about the ongoing fiasco of the kitchen and whether we'll be able to afford the time or the money to finish it and... Beaker and I have been sniping all day, most recently about, yes, money. Where the hell did that come from?

But. I went up to Babies R Us today, to buy the bottles which are boiling right now, and an Isis pump, 'cause I couldn't bring myself to buy a second Medela and I will need to pump at work and at home and to carry all my crap reasonably long distances on foot.

They have a "mother's room" tucked in the back of the store, right next to the restrooms. There's a glider rocker and a changing table; no sink, though. Or windows. The first time I was in the store, when Tabby was about three weeks old, I didn't even know that room was back there, and I nursed her in one of the comfy chairs in the portrait studio waiting area, right by the front windows. No one said anything. (On the other hand, there is a state law, and it'd be really really bad if they did say something and I told La Leche about it, now wouldn't it?)

Babies R Us. Ever notice how no one else there has a baby with them? How almost all the other shoppers are grandparent age? I wonder what fraction of their business is registry. And I'm surprised by how, well, unfriendly their staff are when babies melt down in the checkout line. But I digress.

My serious point is that the room, while an amenity, is also a marginalization. This first really hit me at the local lower upper middle class mall, which has a "family lounge" tucked in behind the hair salons. It's got lots of luxe sinks and changing stands—free warm wipes!— and a row of three curtained booths, each with an easy chair and a side table. So: even inside the "family lounge," nursers are supposed to hide behind a curtain?

When I go to the damn mall with the tiny baby, I want to peoplewatch; it's a chance to escape from the house. Now, I admit that I've ended up pretty damn blase about nursing in public. If we go out to dinner, Tabby will generally nurse quietly through the entire meal (just like at home). I wear a nursing top and a nursing bra, but don't cover up further. No negative comments so far. (The only time we've been invited to nurse in a public place was at the fancy yarn store in Weatherwood: they know a good sales prospect when they see that little baby!) I'm sure there are plenty of women who'd rather sit in a private booth than out at the Starbucks in the central aisle of the mall. I'm not one of them. I wish everyone could feel comfortable and welcome out in the agora. I feel like setting aside horrible little spaces inside the store, or the mall, is distinctly unwelcoming of nursing elsewhere. And I've never seen anyone else using one of these rooms.

My less serious point: so today we did head to the "mother's room" at BRU. There's the glider,after all. We sit down, and I whip out the boob for Tabby. Who sucks hard for a few seconds, then pulls her head back, looks up, and smiles broadly. But not at me. Then she laughs. I turn to follow her gaze.

Remember that portrait studio at the front of the store? They've been allocated the wall space in the "mother's room." Free advertising to a captive and susceptible audience. Miss T was entranced by the huge blowups of happy happy babies all over the walls. So entranced that I couldn't get her to keep feeding. Damn you, BRU, for all the developmentally appropriate distractions you've filled that room with.

Comments

[Sarah]

I have to say it took me a while to get used to nursing in public. My baby #2, I was much more blase and ready. By the time baby #2 came, I liked the idea of a little room because it contained the toddler. I didn't care if someone saw or was offended by the nursing, but I couldn't exactly chase the 2 year old while the baby was latched on. I also never got any flack for public nursing. I was usually prepared to defend my choice if someone questioned me and never got the chance. But I did developed a look that also kept people from touching the baby and his mile long eyelashes. It works in the makeup/perfume department too.

[nate]

The only times I used nursing rooms were when dd was SO easily distractable that I *had* to get her to a private spot if I a) had any hope of getting her to eat, and b) didn't want to flash the world. The best one I was ever in was in Ikea. Warm, nice soft chairs, somewhat darkened so that you're away from all the other stimulations there...

Of course, Ikea is family-friendly in generaly, so not much of a surprise there.

[Teri]

Sarah has a good point -- toddler containment is something I never sonsidered with my first, and although my older child is 6, it's still nice to have a place where I don't have to have my eye on her every single second to make sure she doesn't wander off or play hide-and-seek without letting me know that we're playing first, if you know what I mean. Still, I don't like the marginalization of nursing any more than you do. With my first I was a bit shyer, but with this one I'm pretty much willing to whip my shirt up anywhere, anytime, and I have been cranky and resentful when asked not to do so (by my shocked inlaws, for example). In the Babies R Us, though, I use the privacy rooms -- because my students work there. In front of truckers and strangers and mall shoppers I have no modesty, but my students become so embarrassed by the sight of my partially covered breast that they never again talk in class, so I retreat to the little room. Weird of me, but there you are.

[tracy]

Nursing in public would have been impossible for me. It wasn't a matter of gently tucking my baby through a modestly unbuttoned shirt... we had problems, and there was a lot of manipulating and squeezing and whatnot required. And feeling exposed would have, well, like I said, made it impossible. I think it's nice that privacy is offered as an option.

[Sarah]

I nursed in the local BRU nursing room once. I have no desire to repeat the experience, although the angle of toddlelr confinement hadn't occured to me. (baby #2 is due any moment now) The store itself wasn't a year old, but the "nursing" room was grubby. The carpeting was filthy, the furnishings weren't much better. There was a malodorous diaper champ, a changing table, and a lamp. Nothing for either baby or me to look at. Bleh.

[martha]

I nursed wherever I happened to be when the baby was hungry. I was very nervous about it at first, but I had to work so hard to get the nursing to go right in the first place, I was damned if I was going to let my own silly inhibitions get in the way. I always tried to be discreet, but I never went so far as to throw a cloth over the baby. The notion that people are offended by a mother feeded her infant seems ridiculous to me, when we are treated to the sight of women's breasts everywhere we look. A separate nursing room is a good idea if a mother is uncomfortable nursing in front of others, or if, as another commenter said, there is more to the nursing than just the basics, or if another child needs to be corraled. But I bristle at the idea that anyone should be herded into one of those rooms for someone else's delicate sensibilities.

[Rayne of Terror]

I would like it if there were more clean nice spaces available. I don't feel marginalized when I can relax in a comfortable chair and focus on my baby or relax. I feel marginalized when I'm nursing in a dressing room and the saleswomen is asking if everything's alright in there. I feel marginalized when the restuarant doesn't have a changing table in either restroom. I feel maginalized when I'm asked to nurse in another room at my husband's family get togethers, or at a friend's house. I felt marginalized when everyone left the room when I nursed my baby at a baby shower and also at a wedding shower.

Do I feel that way at Babies R Us? No I feel quite welcome there. Course my baby is a voracious fast eater, so I'm sitting in there for 10-15 minutes at most. That makes a difference.

[LunaBluemommy]

What perfect timing! You need to check out this thread...

http://www.pregnancy.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=481679&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=100

[michelle]

i have a 17 month old and i have another due in a couple of months. i plan on nursing my new baby, as i nursed my first. i never had a problem discreetly feeding my baby in public. i always was discreet because i think it is polite. the thing is, no matter your beliefs are or how shy or open you are, why does anyone feel entitled to be accomodated in stores and malls? why should businesses spend thousands of dollars to make nursing mothers feel comfortable? i think mothers need to start acting like mothers, period. grow up please. it is the SOLE responsibility of the mother to know how to feed and care for her own children in public. it is not the public's responsibility to make the tasks of feeding and caring for your children any easier or more comfortable for you.

[Kelly]

Its kinda funny reading these. what i find hilarious is one mom complains that there is nothing to look at because they didn't make it pretty and devlopmentally appropriate, then another mom complains because they have and it distracted her baby! I nursed both of my children, but in no way did i expect the world to revolve around me and my nursing needs as it seems most moms here do. I planned my trips around nursing times and when i had to nurse in public, i found the most discreet place possible. Noone is required to provide you with these amenities and are being generous when they do, so be grateful.

[Tiney]

In the beginning, I remember nursing my son in the backseat of our truck - I was new at it, he was new at it - he was hungry and it was that or the rest room in the lab (where he was getting blood work, that took SO LONG). I figured it had to be better in the hot old car then the funky restroom, so out we went to the truck. I asked the woman at the desk if there was any empty office there to nurse and she said there wasn't, so just like Kelly said - places do not need to provice these amenities and when you find them, be grateful.

[Ann]

Just use formula and get your life back. It's great!

[Rebecca]

I felt the same way during my first (and only so far... though we're going back to get a bigger car seat soon) trip to BRU. I got all excited to see that they had a special room set aside for Moms to nurse. My 3 month old likes to roll around, do acrobatics, and sing while he's trying to nurse. But when I saw how unkept it seemed... I was a little grossed out, and would have just retreated to our van. But BabyMan was getting frantic and so I toughed it out. I appreciate the option, but wish they'd follow through and keep it clean instead of leaving it "slightly icky" like it's a bathroom or something.