Most of a phone call

[Answering machine picks up. Outbound message recorded years ago, back when he was drinking, and a little drunk. Many, many beeps.]

E: Ray, are you there?

[Horrible feedback screech as he picks up the phone.]

R: Yes. I just had to pull my head out of the shredder.

[His voice is quavering. Tired? Tearful?]

E: Can you tell me what kind of shredder you got?

R: It's a Xerox.

E: Can you tell me the model number?

[Shuffle, rattle, rattle.]

R: It's a 24 sheet shredder.

E: Oh dear. So that hasn't been good enough?

R: No. It's only 8 inches wide, so you have to fold the pictures... horizontally? no, you have to fold them...

E: Vertically?

R: Yes, vertically. They're all 11 by 14's.

E: What about the mattes?

R: I haven't gotten to those yet.

E: Does it overheat?

R: Yes, and it's slow. It's making my back hurt doing this. I'll have to stop soon today.

E: You can leave all of this for me to do. I know it's terribly difficult for you. I'll have two full days this weekend. Ken and I agreed. He'll pack, and I'll deal with this.

R: Yes. [choking snuffle] Yes, there were some very difficult things in there today. Including pictures of you.

E: Don't shred any pictures of me. Those I'm going to take home. I'm willing to FedEx them to myself.

R: Really?

E: Yes. I can't do that for pictures of anyone else. But I want the pictures of me.

R: Why didn't you tell me that a long time ago? ... well, perhaps there are duplicates of some of them. I printed duplicates.

This call was the first time that it's been clear to me what Ray's lost, after the stroke. He was very upset, and he had trouble finding words, trouble understanding what I was asking about the shredder he'd bought -- and, most crucially, he'd forgotten that I'd asked him the night before not to shred any pictures of me.

We talked some about practical arrangements for the trip. I gave him my cell phone number, and asked him to write down that I didn't want him to shred any pictures of me. He was confused by that request, too.

Comments

[Katie]

I've been alternately saddened and hopeful by reading your stories of Ray. I hope he'll be happier and stable after the move, but my experience is that such events can be difficult for the older generation. I also hope you're taking care of yourself through this process. I hope the coming weeks find both you and Ray very well.

[Jody]

I'm sorry. This sounds very hard for all of you. I hope the weekend goes peacefully and you save the photos you want.