Picking at scabs

I have a terrible problem with scratching open mosquito bites until they bleed. I also chew either nails or cuticles -- one or the other, typically, for months. My nails are grooved from the cumulative damage.

(Miss T. already is getting hangnails -- perhaps there is some built-in tendency for the skin to split, especially on the thumbs -- and she chews on them. I don't know if she's seen me do it, or if it's just the obvious thing to do. I can't bring myself to criticize her for it, so I offer sympathy when she complains, trim down what I can, and try to get thick lotion on them before bed.)

 

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Now, I'm reading the comments to the big Alex Kuczynski piece on the birth of her child through surrogacy. The editors certainly stirred the pot through their choice of photographs! and the author is as honest about her classism (and that of the surrogacy "industry" -- they don't want surrogates who are, you, know, actually poor) as she is about her grief and later her joy.

(How different would reading getupgrrl have been, if there had been pictures? She was so careful in the details she chose to include.)

On the one hand: we spent our money and took our chances for exactly the same sorts of selfish reasons: to have a child who is genetically Beaker's. And there are a lot of (mostly appalling ignorant) people over at the Times who are saying "SCREW YOU, SELFISH BITCH!"

On the other hand: every time I sat in that Cornell waiting room (where Kuczynski starts her journey) I knew I didn't fit --  we could only fake it enough to be there by living off two incomes in a cheap damn state. So each comment that picks up another detail of the outrageous presumption of privilege tickles a little -- and I keep reading.
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During our peaceful Thanksgiving dinner at home, there was a blizzard of kicks.

Since then, nearly none -- and definitely none so distinctively kick-y. I know it's still early, but I can't help panicking. Were those death throes? It's so easy to slip back to the disoriented sadness of October.

Eleven days until my next midife appointment. I'd rent a Doppler, but if I didn't find a heartbeat it would kill me.

Maybe -- presuming it goes well -- I'll get one after the next appointment.

Comments

[BrooklynGirl]

I have the same fingernail issue, and The Boy is already picking up the habit too. Hmmm.

I'm still not sure how I feel about the Kuczynski piece. Yes, the descriptions of Cornell resonated with me as did a lot of the emotion she described, but her outrageous level of wealth (how many homes do they have, exactly? I counted one in Idaho, one in the Hamptons, and one in the city), coupled with that weird passage on how happy she was not to be pregnant (and her own outrage whenever anyone else commented on that happiness) made her difficult to have a lot of sympathy for. The cover photo was the worst.

May your 11 days past quickly. I never could stand to have a doppler in the house.

[gwinne]

Just wanted to say I stumbled upon your blog (via Stirrup Queens') and very much appreciate it (whatever that's worth). I'm also an academic undergoing fertility treatment for baby #2. Congratulations!

[bmac]

Just wanted to say that I remember when I first started feeling my baby kick the activity would vary drastically from day to day - a few days of lots of movement and then I would feel almost nothing for days. I think it's because they still have a lot of room to move and sometimes they are angled in such a way that you feel everything and some days they are not.

[AM]

Totally unasked for assvice, but my little boy had a case of the hangnails, so I got him child vitamins with zinc in. Zinc is the thing that makes your hair and nails nice when you take prenatal vitamins. Not all children's vitamins have it; you have to read the label. I find he develops a whole lot fewer hangnails now with a vitamin every morning, and if it isn't torn to begin with I think it's less motivating to chew. He has also developed a vitamin song, "Vitamin, vitamin, vite vite vite!" that is charming, at least to his mother.

AM

[Kate]

I have been reading here for a long time...since I was considering an academic career (which I decided against). I just wanted to say hello and that I hope all is well.

[lurker]

I must confess that I'm a bit worried about you, Beaker, and Miss T.

I hope that you are doing well and not blogging because you need to focus time and energy on more rewarding pursuits. You are all in my thoughts.